Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
