yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
