Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
