I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
