I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize