Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
