What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We don't watch enough power rangers
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.