why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He? As in you personified your dick?