Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
