I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
honey bunches of taint.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
