i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
