don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
