I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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