I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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