Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
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I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize