haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
