I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
