I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
