he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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