If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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