My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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