I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
