just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
