I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
