Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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