I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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