I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
