At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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