Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
