he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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