Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
