Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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