you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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