and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
