this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
