It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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