If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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