just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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