He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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