My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
