she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
