You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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