took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
