I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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