whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
