at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize