If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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