shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
