There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my shit smells like andre
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
