I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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