dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
