I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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