Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
