Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
