I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
