he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
