I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
