I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
